Say it ain't so....

I think I might have a problem....

Lately, my roommate has started making fun of me for being a "hipster". Now normally this would bother me but seeing how he is from Calgary Alberta, you can't expect him to understand what a real hipster actually is. In Calgary, if someone so much as eats tofu they are considered a hipster. You are having supper and instead of ordering a double jack, you order wine? You are a hipster. What's that? You ride a bike to work?! Where's your truck you fucking hipster?

Brah don't be a pussy

Now maybe I'm generalizing here (definitely) but what I'm trying to say is he can't be right.

Can he?

I mean, I am not a hipster. 
No way. I hate hipsters. I would rather have a bubble bath with my Dad then have to look at one with one through their stupid lens-less, Urban Outfitter glasses. There is no doubt I have spent way too much time making fun of these PBR smelling, skinny jeans wearing, barista rejects:

 "Look at this fucking hipster". 

You want a hipster? How's this for a definition:

"unemployed city-dwelling narcissist[s] with a penchant for 
bad clothes, organized kickball, and daytime cocaine."

That's not me. 

Right?!

But still it makes me think. I guess..... I have some things about me that are more hipster than not. For instance:

I live in Vancouver and Van is a hipster breeding ground. It's where little baby hipsters earn their wings before eventually flocking to Portland to nest.

I don't nor will I ever work a nine to five. Neither do most hipsters as they are just too free spirited to work and do things like contribute to society.

I own an iPhone....... and an iPad...... and a Macbook (it just kind of happened) 

I own low rise socks 

I have shopped at American Apparel 
(damn V-neck phase)

And most damning of all.....this whole blog business. 

Shit. 

This is a problem. How could this have happened?! You try to make all the right choices in your life and then somehow you still find yourself in the same category as this guy:

They pretend to hold up his pants and he pretends to hold down a job.

Where did I go wrong? Maybe I zigged when I should have zagged? Took a right when I should have taken a left (never been good at those pesky left hand turns)

I always thought being a hipster was a conscious choice because there is no way someone can suck that bad without trying but apparently it can happen by accident:

                                Accidental Chinese Hipster

Look: I cant be a hipster. I do anti-hipster things like shower.
Every day in fact.

Also, If someone asks me what band I'm listening to; I tell them. 
-I don't say something like "oh you wouldn't know them".

-I don't have interesting facial hair. 

-I've never been to burning man. 

-I rarely wear vests. 

-I HATE skinny jeans (I hope your pants catch on fire and you can't get them off).

-When I look at fishing hooks I think of going fishing, not getting new earrings. 

-Salvation army is somewhere I drop clothing off not pick up.   

I could go on.....

Maybe the reason I hate these human pylons is that they are everything they try so hard not to be. They spend countless hours sifting through garbage in an attempt to be unique and layered but anyone can be "interesting" if they wear garbage for clothing. It doesn't make it good. It just makes you look like you bought your clothes from the Mad Max set sale. 

If you spend all of your time meticulously trying to look like you don't care about how you look; you end up looking like how you look is 

all you care about. 

Well that and you're now wearing something that looks like the 
circus threw up. 

Like any old man, I think the problem is probably MTV:

During its many years as our latchkey babysitter, it convinced us that we are all these unique little rock stars regardless of the fact that most of us can't even sing:

Its not that complicated

Take a look at what the MTV made this poor woman do to succeed:

The Horror...

It teaches us that sensationalism trumps character and that styling yourself like an ink blot test makes you look "unique".

So where does this all take us? Do we just slowly spiral down into 

the cycle of re-wearing the same garbage trends for eternity?

When the hell does this merry go round of crap end? 

I think this is my stop....

I don't know the answer but I think if we would all get over ourselves and stop taking each other so seriously it would be a start. You want to be interesting? Trying building who you are as a person instead of worrying so damn much what you look like. 

I will end this post with one more definition....

Irony: the act of preaching to stop being so self absorbed and get over yourself.... 

and then doing it on your blog.

Some one should have told me...