If I ruled the world.

I don't know about you but when I look at the world, I don't exactly see a well oiled machine. I see an old system based on old ideas that don't work for the world we live in. Im sure we have all had that moment where we've thought "has anyone else noticed this shit is really fucked up?" but we inevitably get overwhelmed by the sheer scope of just how messed up it really is, how powerless we feel to change it and revert back to making our lives seem better than they really are on Facebook.






But that doesn't stop me from thinking......
What if I ruled world? What would I do? How would I make things better according to me? Now I say "ruled" because in reality that is what is needed to get anything done. Democracy sounds great in theory, but it tends to just lead to people arguing about what they shouldn't do instead of just committing to make a change. Sometimes you just need someone to say "shut up already and lets just fix it so we can move on with our lives''. 
Clearly this is oversimplified and Im sure that we could all sit here and discuss the in's and out's of dictatorships and how absolute power corrupts absolutely AND how one person at the top doesn't have the right to make choices for all of us AND how instead we could all just sit down around a fire and sing kumbaya and talk it out.....
but instead, I'm going to tell you what I would do:


If I rule the world:

• Foods will be graded on how healthy they are for us. The worse the grade, the more they will get taxed. Ever watched a dog eat garbage? Don't judge because chances are you do to.

• Cigarettes are now be illegal. How anyone can argue that a product that is highly addictive and causes cancer should be legal is insanity. People who argue that it is their right should also remember that it's also their right to drink gasoline.

• No more pop up ads. If your company/product is found to be in a pop up ad you will be fined $2000 every time its reported to annoy someone.

• If you buy something using debit or credit card, a prompt would come up on the machine asking if you want a receipt. No more printing a receipt for every purchase. How many people actually want the receipt for $1.50 pack of gum?

• No more Flyers. If you want a flyer you have to sign up for it online.

• Commercials will be quieter than the show you are watching.

• Businesses will be responsible for any litter in a 500 sq ft area that comes from their store. 

• No longer will one door out of two be locked. If your building has two doors, they have to both open. What the hell is the point of having a door if it doesnt open. That means that 50% of people entering an establishment are already frustrated. Also, all doors are now push AND pull. We have the technology.

• All elevators will play elevator music. Whats the point of having an entire genre of music called "elevator music" if they don't play it in elevators. Its a nice little treat and besides, what am I supposed to do? Talk to the person next to me? Maybe I should just listen to the guy who's mouth breathing into the back of my neck? 
  And while we are at it why can't we come up with an elevator that works in a fire?! What better time to get out of a building quickly?! "Hey the building is on fire! Let's take the stairs."

• If you are on an elevator and somebody hits the wrong button, all you have to do is re-hit the button and it will turn off and you won't have to stop at that floor. How this hasn't been invented yet is beyond me.

• If you stink, you will be sent home. Deodorant is cheap for a reason. This is not up for debate.

• Cellphones will handle like computers where you can log in as different users. All you need is your phone number and password to take over anyone's phone. Once logged in the phone accesses all of your personal information including emails, contacts and pictures of an online profile. This way you will never lose your info and you always have access to it at any time.  

• All phones and cameras will now come with the same charger. No more owning 19 different cell phone chargers for devices I no longer have.

• Voicemail will simply say the persons name. That's it. If you need instructions on how to leave a message, that person probably doesn't want to talk to you anyways. 

• Effective immediately all bluetooth earpieces now come attached to a big blue dunce cap. That way you know if someone is a crazy person talking to an imaginary friend or just being a productive asshole.

• No more TMZ, paparazzi or trash magazines. There will be a law put in place that prevents photographers and journalists from harassing actors and printing lies about them. 

• It would be mandatory to have to serve tables at one time in your life if ever you want to step foot in a restaurant. Too many people have absolutely no clue how to handle dining out.

• When you donate to World Vision they automatically turn off the horrible commercials from ever showing on your television again.

• No more washroom attendants. Who the hell thought that putting a random dude in the washroom to "help you out" would be a good idea. Who asked for this? All it does is make me not want to wash my hands. Your life smells like pee and it depresses me.

To be continued....