A look back

For the last 5 months I have been living and working in Thailand, much of that time being spent here in Bangkok. As I think back, I am blown away by the great experiences I've had. One of the things I wanted to do while here was take advantage of the time away from my chaotic life in Vancouver and use this time to focus myself. In Van, I float so many part time jobs that it's a full time job just coordinating and scheduling all of them. It got beyond ridiculous and one of these times I will further elaborate on the dozen or so different jobs I was maintaining. So being here with only one job to focus on, I chose to take this spare time to not only travel but to learn about myself. To grow and build who I am.  A vacation away from my life if you will. These are just some of the things I chose to do while here:

First off, I read some amazing books:

• Stephen Hawking's- A brief history of time
• Stephen Hawking's- The theory of everything
• The Dailai Lama- The universe in a single atom
• Richard Dawkins- The God delusion
• Eckhart Tolle- The power of now
• Robert Wolke- What Einstein told his barber
• Slash's autobiography
• The iceman killer: Confessions of a mafia hitman

• I taught myself to speak Thai. I am by no means fluent but I can get by and I am only getting better with time. It goes a long way when people see that you're trying to speak their language and seeing how when Im in Canada I expect people to speak english its only fair that being in Thailand, I speak Thai.

• I travelled the beautiful southern islands of Thailand redefining my understanding of paradise. Words really can't describe it. I hope that those who read this one day get a chance to see it for themselves if they haven't already.

• I learned how to rock climb. I got trained to scuba dive. I went cliff jumping and snorkelling in the beautiful life packed reefs of the islands.

• I got Dengue fever where I slept on the floor of a bathroom for 4 days, during which I couldn't eat, never leaving the bathroom. I was travelling alone at the time and realistically should've gone to a hospital but I was delusional with fever at that point and couldn't figure out to leave the bathroom floor. Once I emerged 4 days later I was barely able to eat for 4 more days. I weighed 140 pounds.

• One look in the mirror was all it took to decide to get back in shape. I went from 140 lbs to 168 lbs in 3 months and I can now say I am in pretty good shape. I feel great.

• I lived and worked in Bangkok for 4 months as a model where I booked more work than I ever have. I ended up on runways and in magazines, on billboards, and in TV commercials. This experience has been one loaded with far too much to fit into one bulleted sentence and one day soon I will elaborate.

• After what seems like a lifetime of procrastination, I started writing again. Clearly this blog being part of that but also I started papers on life. My feelings on all sorts of life issues. It feels amazing to look at something you have just written and see how you feel about things. 

• I finally stopped biting my nails. After trying for 30 years I can now say I no longer do it.

• I have had crooked teeth all of my life and it has always bugged me so I decided to get my teeth fixed. No more wonky smile. Thank you to the AMAZING dentists here in Bangkok. I cannot sing you enough praise.

• I decided that porn is unhealthy and I cut it out of my life. Deep down I have always known it's a negative, addictive thing and I've always hated it but I just pretended that it wasn't a big deal. In reality, it really disrupts the brains view on women, perverting ones idea of what sex should be. I can honestly say that I no longer indulge. TMI... I know.

• I became a devote follower of the writings of neil degrasse tyson who is an astro physicist with an astounding mind. How he applies his understanding of the universe in a practical way is so inspiring to me. To me everything in life comes down to reason and he perfectly embodies that idea.

• I bought a ukelele and taught myself how to play it.....much to the chagrin of my roomates.

• Most importantly of all, I met some great human beings. Phenomenal and interesting people from all sorts of different cultures. I joined a network of people who use modelling to travel the world, seeing as much as they can and I can't wait to see them again in new exciting cities.

States Oil lubricant commercial

About a month ago I wrote this on my Facebook. Now I have the video to match it. Take a look:


Yesterday I had a bit of a crazy day. It was the original day I was SUPPOSED to fly home from Bangkok to Canada but I ended up deciding to stay her longer as work here is going really well. Unfortunately, trying to cancel a flight here is completely impossible so after a month of countless phone calls being on hold and unreturned emails, I had to eat the ticket. It felt like a fail and I was pretty frustrated....until I booked a commercial that more than paid for the ticket..... one that was shooting on the very same day. At the very same airport. One where I got to ride a Ducati Monster with a beautiful woman (future Miss Brazil 2013) on my back......... while racing a Lambo.
It was fated that I would be at the airport yesterday....but fate can only put you somewhere; it can't decide what you do when you get there.




I know..... It's a little cheesy right? Well maybe, but not anywhere as cheesy as this:

Kevin's big night out

Before you read press play

Very recently, I realized 2 important things:

1. When someone invites you to a Ping Pong show they probably aren't talking about ping pong

Excuse me waiter but there's something in my drink

and

2. Don't ever, ever sit in the front row. Ever.

As I stand here with a balloon in between my legs up on stage waiting for the night's entertainment to begin, I have some time to think and I can't help but wonder just how exactly this became a "thing"? When did going to Thailand turn into going to watch old hollowed out women shoot projectiles out of their cooters. How did this happen? How did this become someone's job? Do you find that in the classifieds (probably craigslist)? I know it's a tough job market today but seriously!? What do you think the job interview consists of? And how do you dress for that (today is definitely a skirt day)? Do they provide on the job training or do you need to show up locked, loaded and ready to go? Maybe there is some old ping pong Yoda master who trains you at some far away temple? I can just picture the classic 80's training montage now....

All these things run through my head as I attempt to distract myself from where I am and what's about to happen. For some reason that now alludes me, a friend and I decided it would be a good idea to head out on the town here in Thailand and find some local entertainment. Myself, I was thinking something classy; like a magic show or something. You know, where someone on stage would do something cool like pull some hidden trick out of their loose fitting sleeve and............ ya well never mind. 

Let's just move on.

Criss Angel's new act: Tricks with my pussy

So we end up here and next thing you know I have been dragged up on stage, where they put a balloon in between my legs so that our ping pong princess can try out her aim with darts. Now, I know I've been drunk most times I've played darts but I don't think this is the standard way of playing. 

Pretty sure about this.... 

Meanwhile the absurdity of all of this fits perfectly with the look on her face: It's kind of like if the bark of a tree could look bored. It's a nice fit with the look on my face which is more of a shitting my pants urban chic. Our lady for the evening is here......but not really. Maybe she is just in her happy place (or maybe just the darts are). I mean she is just looking REALLY vacant. She looks more bored than a hot dog sales man at a Lilith Fair concert and Im not sure if I should panic or take comfort in this.

 Clearly she's a pro as I get the weird feeling this isn't her first rodeo (they say on the job experience is everything). This has to be a good thing for me right?

Well before I can figure it out, I am snapped back to reality by the sobering realization that she has just shot a dart at me and that it not only missed the balloon but missed it by 3 fucking feet and is now stuck in the wall beside me.

Why couldn't we have just gone elephant trekking....

Ok. Well this is my stop....Pleasure meeting you "Pong". Im just gonna go so uh....you've got me on LinkedIn right?

No go. Looks like she is reloading and the bouncer is giving me the "You might want to stop moving" look.

Winner winner chicken dinner

Dammit. I feel like Im in a Hepatitis C slot machine and someone's about to take the house. 

Where's my free drink already?

Standing here staring down the barrel of this glorified walking Nerf cannon I have come to the conclusion that this isn't a good look for any of us. Nobody here is winning (except maybe for the guy stocking the Purell dispenser by the door). 

We should all be ashamed of ourselves and I for one won't stand here and watch this poor woman be....

WHACK!!!

Swing and a miss.

Are you fucking kidding me?!!! WHO MISSES 2 times? You suck ping pong lady!!! Isn't this what you do for a living?! Im seriously beginning to thing that you skipped the whole Yoda temple training!?

Don't make me write a strongly worded letter.... 

   

But before I can she reloads, gives it one last go and just like that...

POP goes my weasle.  

Start your day off right

I feel so used.

If I ruled the world.

I don't know about you but when I look at the world, I don't exactly see a well oiled machine. I see an old system based on old ideas that don't work for the world we live in. Im sure we have all had that moment where we've thought "has anyone else noticed this shit is really fucked up?" but we inevitably get overwhelmed by the sheer scope of just how messed up it really is, how powerless we feel to change it and revert back to making our lives seem better than they really are on Facebook.






But that doesn't stop me from thinking......
What if I ruled world? What would I do? How would I make things better according to me? Now I say "ruled" because in reality that is what is needed to get anything done. Democracy sounds great in theory, but it tends to just lead to people arguing about what they shouldn't do instead of just committing to make a change. Sometimes you just need someone to say "shut up already and lets just fix it so we can move on with our lives''. 
Clearly this is oversimplified and Im sure that we could all sit here and discuss the in's and out's of dictatorships and how absolute power corrupts absolutely AND how one person at the top doesn't have the right to make choices for all of us AND how instead we could all just sit down around a fire and sing kumbaya and talk it out.....
but instead, I'm going to tell you what I would do:


If I rule the world:

• Foods will be graded on how healthy they are for us. The worse the grade, the more they will get taxed. Ever watched a dog eat garbage? Don't judge because chances are you do to.

• Cigarettes are now be illegal. How anyone can argue that a product that is highly addictive and causes cancer should be legal is insanity. People who argue that it is their right should also remember that it's also their right to drink gasoline.

• No more pop up ads. If your company/product is found to be in a pop up ad you will be fined $2000 every time its reported to annoy someone.

• If you buy something using debit or credit card, a prompt would come up on the machine asking if you want a receipt. No more printing a receipt for every purchase. How many people actually want the receipt for $1.50 pack of gum?

• No more Flyers. If you want a flyer you have to sign up for it online.

• Commercials will be quieter than the show you are watching.

• Businesses will be responsible for any litter in a 500 sq ft area that comes from their store. 

• No longer will one door out of two be locked. If your building has two doors, they have to both open. What the hell is the point of having a door if it doesnt open. That means that 50% of people entering an establishment are already frustrated. Also, all doors are now push AND pull. We have the technology.

• All elevators will play elevator music. Whats the point of having an entire genre of music called "elevator music" if they don't play it in elevators. Its a nice little treat and besides, what am I supposed to do? Talk to the person next to me? Maybe I should just listen to the guy who's mouth breathing into the back of my neck? 
  And while we are at it why can't we come up with an elevator that works in a fire?! What better time to get out of a building quickly?! "Hey the building is on fire! Let's take the stairs."

• If you are on an elevator and somebody hits the wrong button, all you have to do is re-hit the button and it will turn off and you won't have to stop at that floor. How this hasn't been invented yet is beyond me.

• If you stink, you will be sent home. Deodorant is cheap for a reason. This is not up for debate.

• Cellphones will handle like computers where you can log in as different users. All you need is your phone number and password to take over anyone's phone. Once logged in the phone accesses all of your personal information including emails, contacts and pictures of an online profile. This way you will never lose your info and you always have access to it at any time.  

• All phones and cameras will now come with the same charger. No more owning 19 different cell phone chargers for devices I no longer have.

• Voicemail will simply say the persons name. That's it. If you need instructions on how to leave a message, that person probably doesn't want to talk to you anyways. 

• Effective immediately all bluetooth earpieces now come attached to a big blue dunce cap. That way you know if someone is a crazy person talking to an imaginary friend or just being a productive asshole.

• No more TMZ, paparazzi or trash magazines. There will be a law put in place that prevents photographers and journalists from harassing actors and printing lies about them. 

• It would be mandatory to have to serve tables at one time in your life if ever you want to step foot in a restaurant. Too many people have absolutely no clue how to handle dining out.

• When you donate to World Vision they automatically turn off the horrible commercials from ever showing on your television again.

• No more washroom attendants. Who the hell thought that putting a random dude in the washroom to "help you out" would be a good idea. Who asked for this? All it does is make me not want to wash my hands. Your life smells like pee and it depresses me.

To be continued....

Say it ain't so....

I think I might have a problem....

Lately, my roommate has started making fun of me for being a "hipster". Now normally this would bother me but seeing how he is from Calgary Alberta, you can't expect him to understand what a real hipster actually is. In Calgary, if someone so much as eats tofu they are considered a hipster. You are having supper and instead of ordering a double jack, you order wine? You are a hipster. What's that? You ride a bike to work?! Where's your truck you fucking hipster?

Brah don't be a pussy

Now maybe I'm generalizing here (definitely) but what I'm trying to say is he can't be right.

Can he?

I mean, I am not a hipster. 
No way. I hate hipsters. I would rather have a bubble bath with my Dad then have to look at one with one through their stupid lens-less, Urban Outfitter glasses. There is no doubt I have spent way too much time making fun of these PBR smelling, skinny jeans wearing, barista rejects:

 "Look at this fucking hipster". 

You want a hipster? How's this for a definition:

"unemployed city-dwelling narcissist[s] with a penchant for 
bad clothes, organized kickball, and daytime cocaine."

That's not me. 

Right?!

But still it makes me think. I guess..... I have some things about me that are more hipster than not. For instance:

I live in Vancouver and Van is a hipster breeding ground. It's where little baby hipsters earn their wings before eventually flocking to Portland to nest.

I don't nor will I ever work a nine to five. Neither do most hipsters as they are just too free spirited to work and do things like contribute to society.

I own an iPhone....... and an iPad...... and a Macbook (it just kind of happened) 

I own low rise socks 

I have shopped at American Apparel 
(damn V-neck phase)

And most damning of all.....this whole blog business. 

Shit. 

This is a problem. How could this have happened?! You try to make all the right choices in your life and then somehow you still find yourself in the same category as this guy:

They pretend to hold up his pants and he pretends to hold down a job.

Where did I go wrong? Maybe I zigged when I should have zagged? Took a right when I should have taken a left (never been good at those pesky left hand turns)

I always thought being a hipster was a conscious choice because there is no way someone can suck that bad without trying but apparently it can happen by accident:

                                Accidental Chinese Hipster

Look: I cant be a hipster. I do anti-hipster things like shower.
Every day in fact.

Also, If someone asks me what band I'm listening to; I tell them. 
-I don't say something like "oh you wouldn't know them".

-I don't have interesting facial hair. 

-I've never been to burning man. 

-I rarely wear vests. 

-I HATE skinny jeans (I hope your pants catch on fire and you can't get them off).

-When I look at fishing hooks I think of going fishing, not getting new earrings. 

-Salvation army is somewhere I drop clothing off not pick up.   

I could go on.....

Maybe the reason I hate these human pylons is that they are everything they try so hard not to be. They spend countless hours sifting through garbage in an attempt to be unique and layered but anyone can be "interesting" if they wear garbage for clothing. It doesn't make it good. It just makes you look like you bought your clothes from the Mad Max set sale. 

If you spend all of your time meticulously trying to look like you don't care about how you look; you end up looking like how you look is 

all you care about. 

Well that and you're now wearing something that looks like the 
circus threw up. 

Like any old man, I think the problem is probably MTV:

During its many years as our latchkey babysitter, it convinced us that we are all these unique little rock stars regardless of the fact that most of us can't even sing:

Its not that complicated

Take a look at what the MTV made this poor woman do to succeed:

The Horror...

It teaches us that sensationalism trumps character and that styling yourself like an ink blot test makes you look "unique".

So where does this all take us? Do we just slowly spiral down into 

the cycle of re-wearing the same garbage trends for eternity?

When the hell does this merry go round of crap end? 

I think this is my stop....

I don't know the answer but I think if we would all get over ourselves and stop taking each other so seriously it would be a start. You want to be interesting? Trying building who you are as a person instead of worrying so damn much what you look like. 

I will end this post with one more definition....

Irony: the act of preaching to stop being so self absorbed and get over yourself.... 

and then doing it on your blog.

Some one should have told me...