A Bachelor's Diary Episode 7 Getting Good At Goodbye

Hello friends, how goes being you?
Let's talk. I'll go first;)
If you are reading this then I'm going to assume that you've been keeping up with my days on the Bachelorette Canada and know how episode 7 ended. In case you haven't, here's the episode in irritatingly zoomed in and in poor quality on YouTube. YAY! Skip to 17:57 min to see our rock climbing date and 26:35 for the conversation up on the top of the mountain.

Now that we are all on the same page, let's get down what is going to be my final blog about this show! Holy moly me o my how time flies when you're talking about yourself. Should we cue the dramatic music? Does anybody know Hans Zimmer?

Nobody? Bueller? Ok... moving on.
With this being my goodbye episode, surely there's a lot to talk about........
but here's the thing: I don't know if we really need to.
You see, if you've read my other Bachelorette blogs starting way back when this was all just a maybe then you know where I'm at with all this and how I feel about everything up until now. You know all my fears and reservations about trusting reality tv. You know all the funny, strange and sometimes frustrating moments with this random group of great guys. And you also know the deeper moments with Jas and what that meant to me. So, sure we could hash out that last conversation we had together on that mountain top and get into how it felt to say goodbye. I could tell you what it was like to look this amazing girl in the eye, one I had grown to really like and say those words that I knew would set us down different roads, but the truth is, when I sat down and watched it on TV, it was (for the most part) all there. No frustrating TV edit, no bullshit, just the full conversation in all its rawness and honesty.

And I've got to say that the cynic in my was pleasantly surprised. So to rehash the whole thing here just seems..... unneeded. I've always believed that the truth will set you free (I've also always been the kind of guy who says cheesy stuff like that) and in this case I think it really applies.
Today's gift of truth is tomorrow's freedom from regret. 

With Jas, there was a lot we wanted to talk about and while there was so many things we never really got the chance to discuss, we did manage to make time for the most important things. The soulful things that come from below the skin and deep within the heart. The things that make up who we are. Actually, when I think back on our talks, it seems like we ONLY had super heavy talks and while sure, I'm willing to go there sometimes, the fact is in normal life I wouldn't do that right out of the gate with someone. "Do you think that love lasts?" is a great opening question to scare the hell out of your next tinder date.

But the bachelorette world isn't normal dating, it's more like relationship steroids so we found ourselves talking about the heaviest stuff first and trying to work our way backwards. If it was up to me, I would've like a one on one date to Netflix and chill in our pyjama pants where we order in take out, watch a good movie and maybe play some crib.
Which doesn't exactly make for thrilling TV.


So old people card games aside, I'm sure I came across as that dude that talks too many feels on the show but I'm actually glad it happened that way because when it came time to say goodbye, neither of us had to worry that we didn't say what needed to be said. There's a peace that comes with truth and when it comes to Jas and I, I know we're good because we both know who we are and what we are looking for and most importantly; we were both honest to each other about that. Was I sad? Yeah. Yeah I was. Part of me will always think about her and wonder about what if she had said yes to taking off together...... but I respect her for knowing what she needed and I truly do wish the very best for her with whoever she chooses to make a life with. While we might be going different ways, I really do believe that
Your adventure is wherever you choose to make it

So go make it great Jas.

Getting good at goodbye

So instead of giving you the play by play of what was said on that mountain, I want to instead take this opportunity to talk about something other than me for once (I know, this is a rarity so soak it up) I want to tell you about the people who made this show happen: the crew.
Now, in my past, I've spent a fair amount of time working on film sets (a story for another day) so I know a thing or two about that whole world. I've been on enough bad sets with unhappy crews to know a good one when I see it so let me tell you about the crew that made this show happen: The were by far the NICEST, hardworking group of people I've ever seen in this industry. Bar none. Period. Full stop. Othersentencethatshowsimportance. One of my biggest let downs with writing about this whole journey was that I had to agree to not break the 4th wall so I wasn't able to discuss that side of things and for me that was HUGELY interesting. I promise this crew was way more cooler than us bachelors and while I'm technically breaking my agreement by saying all this, I would hope that they let it slide this one time seeing how it's said in love and with the utmost respect. (Read: this is me asking you guys to please let this slide and not sue my broke ass.)
Still friends?





Alright:)

The producers also took a Quantum Leap of faith in letting me write this blog in the first place when they very easily could've kiboshed the whole thing and shut me down like Warren Wells Fargo. No one would've blamed them had they done that yet they trusted me to tell the story the way I saw it and for that I owe them my thanks. Writing about this journey unpacked everything that was floating around in my head and led me to some very needed lessons about what I'm looking for. It also let me get away with making way too many cat puns while trashing the other guys with semi good humoured jokes ........so that was alright too.
The relationships I built with this amazing crew carried me through what were some very confusing and emotional times and I will keep these people in a special place in my heart. Thank you so much for everything my friends. I'm honoured to have been a part of it.

And speaking of amazing people..... let's talk about the other guys on the show. How surprised was I to find that I actually really liked all these dudes?! We joke that we went on TV to find love and ended up finding it for each other. Now, twenty guys in love isn't the kind of movie I would normally rent.......but it turns out this one was definitely worth it.  #bachelorbromance2016 #bestieswithtestes #dontyoutestthesebesties
I related to all of these guys in one way or another and I have to say; I miss those crazy dudes. I'm still holding out that the network makes a show where we all get an apartment together. Kickstarter anyone?

 

But as much as I loved all these cats, there's one guy I want to tell you about in particular and in fact, there's a conversation we had that perfectly sums him up. On the show, this bachelor really dove in head first and wore his heart on his sleeve and as time progressed, we became pretty good friends. I watched him fall hard for Jasmine and then get pretty torn up as he had to watch her date other guys. (don't try this at home kids trust me, it sucks) I fell into a bit of a big brother role with some of these guys on the show so I felt like I should warn him and tell him to protect his heart. I told him to remember that this was a reality show and that he could get really hurt. His response was:
"When it comes to love, you just have to go for it, regardless of where you are and how you find it."

While I didn't realize it at the time, this talk wasn't me teaching him something but instead him teaching me. I was wrong to tell him to guard his heart and looking back now I'm so glad that he didn't listen to me and my foolish ways. And if by any chance you don't already know who I'm talking about, here's a song he kept asking me to play while we were on the show and that should give you a pretty good idea who I'm talking about.

So many feels;)



You know, considering this was supposed to be a short blog with me not having much to say, I seem to have found a way to ramble on for far too long (it's kinda my thang) so let's wrap this up before the academy throws on the music and let's get to the final thanks of the evening and Jerry's....I mean Kevin P's final thought:

I want to thank you. The reader. For taking the time to read my little thoughts and watch this silly show. For investing in me and coming along for the ride with all the highs and lows. For all my friends and family who gave me so much truly unbelievable support through this and also for all the viewers too, who reached out to offer their support as well (not an easy thing to do to put your neck out). Doing this show has not only taught me a lot about myself but also about people as a whole. I know I've said it before..... but I really do believe that we are all just a bunch of weirdos looking for love. That's it. It's all we have and it's what this whole thing is about. It's what we all need, what we all are searching for and what brings out the best in all of us, even when it sometimes needs to destroy us to do so.
So with all that said, I'll leave you with that one last lesson that my good friend Mikhela showed me:






Let down your guard...
Let love in...
And take the leap into the unknown.












Written with the biggest love I can possibly offer you.
See you on the road,
K