Made in China the never-ending story

HEY HEY KIDS!!!!!

Here we are at the final chapter of my ramblings on the sleeping giant and it feels like it's taken longer than the Great Wall of China doesn't it? To get here, we've bagged on all the things you are supposed to pretend you don't notice when traveling to a different country. Things like the "Ray Charles driving school of China", washrooms that look like torture chambers and how not to make friends at the gym. We even managed to throw in painted poodles, Edward Scissor-hands haircuts and mooing as a form of self expression. So after reading 3 long posts where I complained like I was trying out for the role on the Muppets....

This whole post is shit! When do we get to eat Kermit?

.....it would be a pretty safe bet to assume that I have a bit of a hate-on for the country. If you were in Vegas it would be a pretty safe bet, right?

Actually....

Who's in for a group hug!?

I really like China.

Didn't see that one coming did ya? No chicken dinner for you. House wins.....

Can't say I blame you though. After 3 posts of my bitching and moaning, how on Earth could I honestly say that like China? Well, like Avril Lavigne's choice in men; it's complicated and wrapping my head around it took me a pretty long time. Almost as long as Axl's Chinese Democracy (only I didn't braid my hair in the process).

Not exactly what we had in mind.

So why the sudden change in tune? Well, to me, going to China is a bit like this: some traveling destinations are like visiting friends while some are more like visiting crazy family members. Sure you can go to some nice place like Hawaii and chill in the sun, just like you can go hang with your friends. Both will be good times but neither will be a growing experience.
Visiting China on the other hand is kind of like your crazy family members. The ones that drive you completely insane and make you want to hitchhike home.....but by sticking around and learning how to come to grips with them you become a better person. Their inability to make sense and operate by normal societal rules force you to bend and redraw the lines of what was once normal to you.

Make sense?

Sure traveling in China will drive you bananas. There is a nut load of things that make absolutely no sense and are totally fucked up (even more fucked up than the term "nut load").
Getting something done that would be easy back home can often leave you crying in the shower in China.

Still....smell... stinky tofu

Trying to accomplish simple daily tasks becomes this fun little cycle of:
Confusion-frustration-anger-apathy-noodles-acceptance.

One of these things is not like the other...

Rinse and repeat.

What you need to remember (something that I really should've pointed out already during my ramblings) is that there is an important distinction between life in China and life in China as an Ex-pat. They are not one and the same. Sure, I spent 4 months living and working in China. I had an apartment, shopped at the local markets, took the train to work and even learned how to turn my muted anger into Chinese swear words:

But does that experience equate to me being able to say that I understand China?
HELLS NO (said in black lady voice for added flavour) and here's why:
As an outsider to any culture; sure you can try and pretend you're "one of them." Anyone can do that:

Make sure to tell Kanye I was here ok?

But when people do that it tends to be rather obvious. They "stand" out a little:

Ok Waldo's just getting lazy now

What I'm trying to say is that expats don't get the full meal deal experience of China because they can't read in between the social lines. It's kind of like how dancing George up there can't read any lines whatsoever.
So what do I mean by "between the social lines?"
Precisely this: there is a gargantuan (doesn't that sounds like a word for a big gorilla) amount a country's culture that can't be expressed in clumsily translated words. The culture so often lies in the cracks and it is this indefinable essence that foreigners usually miss out on. Especially when we are talking about ignorant westerners who habitually talk down to people while asking for directions to Starbucks.

The food is so different here!

And that brings me to another point: Chinese people tend to avoid expats. Like the plague. Don't get me wrong; they like to look. They will stare like they bought a ticket to the zoo but just like you and me, they don't come home with a llama.

Mom! Can I keep her?

Maybe the language gap is just too much work or maybe it's a subconscious distrust of anything different but generally, people don't invest in foreigners the way they do members of their own cultures.
Don't believe me?

Just think about it: how many friends do you have that you can say are truly culturally different? I know for myself living in Vancouver, a city loaded with Chinese people, I only have a small handful of Chinese friends. This isn't a conscious choice I've made either. It just seems to happen that way.

Turns out we humans kinda suck sometimes.

So you can't hate on locals for leaving us foreigners as the last ones picked for dodgeball. It's just human nature and besides; there's a lot of creepy white guys out there.

Here's what you need to understand about China: Chinese people just don't give a FUCK.  
(click on that btw; it's worth it)

I remember when I first got here, I asked a Chinese friend how to say "how are you?" (Ni hao ma) but he told me that I don't really need to know because Chinese people don't ask that. I asked him why and he said "we don't ask that because we don't care." For a long while, this encounter perfectly summarized why I didn't like China. The people there seemed to have all the warmth of an abortion clinic waiting room. They just don't seem to worry or care much about how other people see them.

It was only after I spent more time here that I realized that in this lies a certain truth. A freedom we don't have in North America. 

And it is here I come to the thesis of all this. The crux if you will:

If you have ever wanted to see what it would be like to live your life with the careless abandon of a homeless person; just come live in China. Because here you can do WHATEVER you want and no one will ever judge you for it. Of course this might sound horribly insensitive (and it totally is) but again, let me explain:

It comes back to the whole "how are you?" question (or lack thereof). 

Story time:

I remember one day having a homeless guy in Vancouver ask me for change while coming out of a 711.  He had just seen me waste my money on the Crispy Crunch flavoured milk in my hand and was hoping my poor spending habits could also apply to him. Normally I would say no (don't judge me) but we could both hear the spare change in my pocket ringing around like a guilty wind chime. So while I'm digging around to sort out the smaller coins (stop judging) I casually asked him "how's it going man?" and right as he was about to say "good, you?" he realized that he couldn't. The act of him asking for my money depended on him doing obviously worse than me so he quickly (and way too convincingly) did a facial 180, made this shattered look and said "horrible!" He then went on, going into a well rehearsed story of just why things were so bad as if to make up for the (albeit brief) moment we had both witnessed. So with him back playing his role, I settled back into mine of "social indifference," gave him his change and went back into the store to buy some Purrell (btw I'm not actually this callous. The homelessness situation in Vancouver is appalling and it took a long time for me to get "used" to the idea of people rotting in the street. Wow.... not often you write a sentence like that now is it?)


Ok time for something funny:

This video has nothing to do with what we are talking about.

What does this seemingly arbitrary story of my apparent lack of morals have to do with life in China? 

Well this: Westerners, while outwardly polite and friendly to each other, secretly ALSO DON"T GIVE A FUCK. The only difference is that we are too pussy to just be balls out about it like the Chinese and wear that shit on our faces. We pretend of course, asking each other "how are you?" when in reality we just want to hear "good, you?" so we can move on with our day. In fact, in most situations it is totally inappropriate to actually take the time to answer this question honestly which makes it rather pointless to ask doesn't it? Canadians are surprisingly bad for this confusing behaviour. We are known for being excessively polite and yet at the same time being cold and aloof towards people we don't know. 

As for China, maybe the population's unapologetic indifference to their fellow man is simply a product there being too many people to be invested in all of them. Maybe they have to pick and choose. It's like when you're eating a huge meal and you start to fill up halfway through. You have to start carefully choosing your bites. Myself, I immediately throw any breads, noodles or vegetables overboard and focus on finishing the meat. 
Because I'm a man dammit and that's what men do (said in Spartan voice for added man-ness).

Ya but China having too many people can't be the whole enchilada can it? There HAS to be more to this, right?

Me thinks yes.
In China, people do things we westerners consider gross because the people there aren't judging each other so it's ok to do whatever you feel like. While in North America, we judge each other harshly so everything we do is filtered through the "how will this look to everyone else" lens. Will people still like me? Sure it may seem more civilized at first to hide these things but isn't it a bit of a ruse? It has us all running around on our tippiest of tip toes.

Hold me closer tiny dancer

The parallel between living in China and being homeless is that: what you see is what you get. No stupid green garnish on the side of your plate to fill you up and no bullshit. Both make no attempts to dress it up (if they get dressed at all. In fact I think the whole Chinese dress code comes down to two questions: Is it warm and does it have pockets.)  

Dad?

Both couldn't care less if you watch them pick their noses. Neither cares if you burp or fart, spit or scratch. It's just part of life; part of the human process.
Blasphemy I say! We need judgement!!! It keeps us in line! What good would Terminator 2 have been without Judgement day?!$%^


I kid. 
So Chinese are more of an "it is what it is" mentality. While westerns are more like, (to take an example from Bangkok), ladyboys: All done up pretty but with a dress packed full of ugly secrets.

Yes. That's right. Our deep down lack of genuine care for others is exactly like a grown man dressed as a woman pretending his "wee-wee" is a "woo-woo."

Don't tell me you're surprised to see this photo here.

Sure at first glance this is horribly offensive (not Sarah JP as a man... that's just obvious, I mean the whole homeless comparison bit) but if you stop and think about it, it doesn't have to be offensive. For the sake of funny, let's set aside all of the obvious horrible aspects of being homeless and just look at the "good" ones. The "fringe" benefits if you will. 
(Pretty good chance I'm going to hell....)
Being homeless is kind of like camping: You don't have to shower, in fact you can be dirty as hell and no one will ever say anything. Another good thing is that you never need to worry about being on time,  figuring out where you are or how to get home. You never have to worry about cleaning your place when it looks like a dump. You don't have to worry about losing anything. When dating a homeless chick you can pretty much drop her off anywhere.
(Ya, I'm definitely going to hell)




But most importantly (and what I should be focused on) is that there is a freedom in how people talk to you. Nobody talks to you for any other reason than because they want to. Nobody needs something from you. No one is trying to "weasel" you. I would imagine a homeless person probably has a pretty interesting view of society that way. From the outside looking in. It's been said that:
"You can measure a lot about a society by how they treat those that who have nothing to offer them."

I'm pretty sure it was Ja Rule that said that.

The song bird of our generation

No?





Agree to disagree.









So somewhere deep in all my callous, insensitive thoughts on China, there lies not only a secret admiration for their "blind eye" outlook towards each other but also a hidden truth about the way of the West. We have many things we could learn from our Asian counterparts. Things likes their no nonsense  straightforwardness and acceptance for others.......even to those who misuse blow-dryers

This whole YOLO thing is really going too far...

There is no doubt that our western culture is fixated on outward appearances. We have become a culture that is obsessed with judgement and while most of us know that this is a skin deep and superfluous fixation that isn't to be taken too seriously, I'm willing to bet that it has affected our character more than we would like to believe.

Dude definitely looks like a lady. Dog.

For me, I didn't realize just how critical I had become until I left North America. I saw just how quick I am to judge and realized that I was usually the only one doing so. It was a humbling experience.

So there it is. I enjoyed China because I felt free there in a way that I don't feel in North America. Free from criticism and judgement from others.
Politically though; not so free. They are still working on that.

While this unexpected freedom to go unnoticed while dancing naked in the streets was a unique part of why I enjoyed my time in China, it was dwarfed by the great times I had with the friends I made there. It turns out that China, as different as it is, still comes down to the people you're experiencing it with. Just like anywhere else, it's all about the friends you meet along the way. Those kindred spirits that laugh and sing with you when it's the only thing left that makes sense.
As always, it's not where you are but who you are with....
And with that we come to the end of my words...
For all the thousands of words I could write, a picture is always worth a thousand more.
Thanks for reading,
K