From everything I know

"It's time to go." the voice says.
It's a beautiful, sunny day in June. It's the perfect day. There's a map on the dash, a tank full of gas and the route has been planned. Months of careful preparations have brought me here to this day. The U-haul is packed to the brim like a big game of life-size Tetris; only this game is made up of everything I own and I'm not a teenager playing for points in the backseat. My faithful little Volkswagen golf is hitched up on the trailer being towed behind us and for once, he won't have to do the heavy lifting. My old college buddy Nigel (and soon to be new roommate) is sitting shotgun with a big grin on his face and I am doing one last check.
One last moment before I move away. Away from Edmonton Alberta which has been my life. Away from a comfortable, familiar place that has become a real home for me. Away from a great job that has given me so much and helped me open up into who I am today. Away from a wealth of amazing friends who mean everything to me.
Today takes me away from everything I know.
And this was my choice.

All of this is running through my head as I stand here on the street, sun on my shoulders, outside what is soon to no longer be my home. This vibrant moment is unlike any other in my life thus far. It's something very new.  It's scary and exhilarating, nerve wracking and empowering, all in one. It makes me feel alive and I feel like time stops for a second. Just for me.
I can't help but hold my breath as I try to hold onto all this. As a kid. I would hold my breath hoping I could pause time. As an adult, I lose the fight not to exhale and I hear a voice tell me.
"It's time to go"

That voice sounds like a stranger but it's mine.

So I get into the truck, put it in drive and head west towards a new life.

That day was early June 2006 and it was a pivotal moment in my life. It was a gamble that changed everything. I left a good, secure job in favour of something unknown. I left family, friends and my home to go west to Vancouver. A city where I knew nobody, in hopes to get a job on a film set of all things... as if leaving everything wasn't hard enough. The idea to some was laughable and I knew it seemed impossible.....but I also knew in my heart that maybe it wasn't and for me then, maybe was enough. Maybe, was worth the risk. Ten years later, looking back, I've surely proved that it was worth it. Not just to those who doubted me but to myself, who wasn't always sure I could do it. I had real moments of doubt, fear and loneliness along the way to today but on that day in June I drove my life west. I drove towards something that seemed like a fantasy, like a wild pipe dream and when I got there I went to work making it a reality.

Fast forward a decade and the year now is 2016, the month is June and the weather is typical Vancouver cloudy but the feel is the same as it was all those years ago with the sun on my shoulders in that driveway. It is almost ten years to the day from when I stood in Edmonton, wondering where life would take me and after all the adventures that decision lead to, I find myself once again on the eve of something new. Something unknown. This time, I find myself at an airport. A common place for me lately. I'm heading not west but east, to the south of France, again towing behind me everything I own; only now it all fits in a suitcase....  I guess the last years have had me chasing more stamps in my passport and less things. It's something I'm very ok with it.
 So I'm taking to the sky..... to take to the sea. I'm flying to France to try and work on yachts as a deckhand in the Mediterranean. Sounds very random, I know, but it's been a plan in the making for over a year now and like before; my months of careful preparations have brought me to this day.
 It's an exhilarating feeling, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I am. I am all those same feelings that I was back on that perfect sunny day in June 2006. I'm nervous and excited, exhilarated and anxious. I'm all those things but this time I'm also something new. This time I'm armed with something that was made back in those days after I took the jump into an uncertain life. Something that Vancouver forced out of me when I had to rise to the challenge. I'm armed with a trust in myself. A trust in knowing that I've done it before and I can do it again. I know not where tomorrow takes me but I trust myself to be ok when I get there. I trust myself to figure it out.  Like I have before.

My life has taught me that we learn the most about ourselves when we let go of trying to control the world outside and instead look inward to be honest with who we are and find strength in that person. It's how we get to know our true selves and ultimately, how we learn to love ourselves for who we are. It's what enables us to do great things. 
Learning who I am and choosing to trust and rely on that person has been the turning point in my life.


Standing here in this airport with everything I own in tow, I look out the window at the Vancouver clouds. I stare at that vibrant skyline that seemed so exciting and new so long ago. I think about all these things and I feel emboldened. I know I'm on the brink of a whole adventure and new life lesson, armed with the lessons of the past. A life's experiences that fuel me for more.
This time however, there isn't that feeling that today will take me away from everything I know.
Because this time, I know me. I know me in a way I never did before I risked it all and jumped into the unknown.
It's something Ihighly recommend doing.




My train of thoughts is interrupted when I hear that voice again, but it now sounds very familiar when it says:

"It's time to go."