Can I stay here forever?
It all looks so peaceful as I watch out the faded window of this tiny plane. It's almost enough to drown out the blaring of its tired Cesna's engine. High above the world, there's a calmness. Everything feels so clean. So perfect. So silent.....
It all looks so peaceful as I watch out the faded window of this tiny plane. It's almost enough to drown out the blaring of its tired Cesna's engine. High above the world, there's a calmness. Everything feels so clean. So perfect. So silent.....
Silent except for the beating of my adrenaline-pumping heart which knows better. It knows what's about to happen. What I am about to do.
This is called the calm before the storm.
Calm like a Hindu cow.
Calm like a Hindu cow.
"You ready?!" He says.
My body screams NO while I hear my lips say "Yes!"He is my weathered instructor and his skin looks like it's made of bark. Beneath it, Im pretty sure his veins pump Redbull. It's just another day at the office for him but wouldn't know it judging from the crazy sparkle in his eye and his never-fading giant smile. He is excitement lived.
I look back to the window and the daydream continues as I relish the moment.
It's a Christmas eve of excitement-wrapped anticipation.
Then the door swings open and with that; the calm is gone.
It's replaced with a howling wind that screams through the tiny cabin. Rushing around us, it takes away our voices, as if to say "You do not belong here". But we don't listen. Instead we move towards the gaping hole in the side of the plane and before I can think about it, we swing our feet out in one fluid motion.
Now my legs are hanging outside of a plane, 11 000 feet up, dragging in the screaming wind. This is all becoming reality a little too fast. Slow down Father time.
Can we go back to calm like a Hindu cow?
Apparently not.
While I focus on keeping an iron clad grip on to the edge of the door, my instructor double checks our harness.
Can we go back to calm like a Hindu cow?
Apparently not.
While I focus on keeping an iron clad grip on to the edge of the door, my instructor double checks our harness.
Probably a good idea. Please do it twice.
Meanwhile every cell in my body collectively asks my brain "what the shit are you doing?! Are you crazy?!!"
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| Just crazy enough to think I'm not |
Or at least I wanted to. Back when my friends and I signed up for this, it seemed like a jolly good time. A real swell idea.
Now? Not so sure. I'm beginning to wonder. What was the point of this again?
Oh right:
That whole Carpe diem thing.
To earn the days before my death.
That whole Carpe diem thing.
To earn the days before my death.
Sounds a little dramatic right? Maybe, but by now you know my writing comes with a poutine-sized gravy load of dramatic flair.
Story time:
I'm kind of obsessed with death.
Sounds weird right?
Story time:
I'm kind of obsessed with death.
Sounds weird right?
Well, I've always just been astounded by the undeniable fact that one day I am going to cease to exist. That I will be no longer.
I am going to die.
I've never really gotten over that one.
What an absolutely crazy realization right?! Seriously!? How the hell are we supposed to get anything done knowing this? Our deaths looming presence can be paralyzing and totally overwhelming (which is probably why our brains play politician and try and make you forget about important stuff like this). Yet as terrifying and helpless as it can make you feel .....It's also liberating. When you stop and think about it, it is this do-not-pass-go termination clause that makes every moment of our lives all so very important. Death is the period at the end of the sentence of our lives. Death is the road to awe. Without it there would be no consequence and anyone who's ever played poker "Not for money, just for fun" knows that it's about as much fun as sex education at Sunday school.
It is the very real fear of loss that drives us to gain.
It is the coming end that makes us want to begin.
It is what gives our lives urgency for the sweet is never as sweet without the sour.
I will never believe in a cloud comfy afterlife spent playing checkers with Tupac and Lennon.
It is the very real fear of loss that drives us to gain.
It is the coming end that makes us want to begin.
It is what gives our lives urgency for the sweet is never as sweet without the sour.
I will never believe in a cloud comfy afterlife spent playing checkers with Tupac and Lennon.
King me bitch.
Some rhyming words for your consideration:
I have no doubts my death shall come
Of that I'm sadly sure.
Instead the doubt is as to when
My heart shall not endure
Although we know we're doomed to go
We're lost when faced with where
We theorize far past our eyes
In hopes to dim despair
Some speak of clouds and pearly gates
That keep sake those we love
High above in flowing robes
As white as flying dove
They wait for us until the day
When heart shall not endure
And our time comes to grace the gates
And take our final tour
The thought is nice and calming still
When faced with end of all
But deep in where I should believe
There lies a nagging gal.
"OOOKAAAY Kev. Enough already. Is this post going to be all tears, fears and death poetry or you jumping out of a God damn plane already?!"
I know. I'm getting there I promise. 5 more minutes and we will jump out of a plane, I swear.
Anyways, back to me.
It is this sense of urgency, this thirst for life which led me to Cape Town South Africa. After hearing enough "best place ever" recommendations from my adventure seeking friends, I found myself a new modelling contract in this secluded, paradise city and booked a ticket. As soon as I go off the plane I was hit with the sheer beauty of the city's mountainous backdrop. The crisp dark blue of the southern Atlantic Ocean crashing into the jagged rocks peppered along it's many beaches. The golden hued sunsets lighting an adventurers dream playground.
No pictures will ever do it justice, for you can't save the sunset.
But I'll still try.
No pictures will ever do it justice, for you can't save the sunset.
But I'll still try.
Wandering through South Africa's beauty, it didn't take long to find those who like me, wanted to cram as much life into ever day spent here. I've always been lucky enough to find friends throughout my travels but my crew in CT was special. We fit seamlessly for all of our differences. Like models and mirrors; we were smitten at first sight.
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| A millisecond before Stephan kicked Anthony in the face. |
A crew like no other.
The roster:
Well, they called me Daddy Kev.
With our roles in place and kinship set; we set out for adventure and we found many. We hiked mountains and rappelled down the side of them. We rock climbed, ran beaches and surfed the waves that crashed upon them. We swam with the sharks, parasailed with the birds and rode horses at sunset.
We ate cheesecake.
A lot of cheesecake.
Way too much cheesecake. This is what you get when you hang with European food junkies.
We played ukelele on midnight beaches and skinny dipped in their frigid, manhood-shrinking waters.
A lot of cheesecake.
Way too much cheesecake. This is what you get when you hang with European food junkies.
We played ukelele on midnight beaches and skinny dipped in their frigid, manhood-shrinking waters.
We sang to an audience of penguins, walked with ostriches on secluded sands and were chased in kind by wild baboons who stole our lunches.
We travelled long roads to jump off far away bridges.
The world was ours to be lived.
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| Fuck yo couch |
We did it all. We wrote our own story. A story worth telling.
And we jumped out of perfectly working planes. Or at least I'm about to.
And we jumped out of perfectly working planes. Or at least I'm about to.
My brain asked me why I'm about to do this and my soul answered back. This jump is about my quest to push as much life through these eyes as I can. To put my death in my back pocket and go live a life worth living. It might sound cheesy to you but I don't care. This life isn't a rehearsal. This is it. This is all we get and it's the only chance we get to do it all. So why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you go and do all the things that thrill you, fill you and give you that never fading giant smile? You can look at all these photos and see a life that might look unreal to you, but remember; my life wasn't like this until I went out and found it. Until I went out and chose to make it that way.
Being scared of death isn't a reason to hold on. It's the very reason you shouldn't. It's the reason you should let go.
So go do it already.
For only those that chance the fall will ever reap the heights.
In the words of Bukowski:
Find what you love and let it kill you.
(but maybe hold off on the whole killing part. Not just yet anyways.)
It is this need to push myself, to earn my life that is why I have to do this. This is why I want to do this.
It's time to let go of it all and jump out of this plane.
Being scared of death isn't a reason to hold on. It's the very reason you shouldn't. It's the reason you should let go.
So go do it already.
For only those that chance the fall will ever reap the heights.
In the words of Bukowski:
Find what you love and let it kill you.
(but maybe hold off on the whole killing part. Not just yet anyways.)
It is this need to push myself, to earn my life that is why I have to do this. This is why I want to do this.
It's time to let go of it all and jump out of this plane.
This safe, perfectly working plane.
Well, that and my friends will call me a huge pussy If I don't.
The wind on my face is calling me. It's time.
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| It's funnier if you blow on the screen |
And with that I let go
and fall into the sky.
See you on the ground my friends.
Another day earned.
