#gofuckyourselfie

Somewhere in the user agreement we didn't read, it may have warned of this.
Regardless, you and I have been pick pocketed of our life's purpose and we are none the wiser of it.

Beneath the veil of the blinding dream soaked lights, most don't see it's gone. For those that do, they search their minds for a battle cry that never was for it was lost in a series of small unnoticed concessions.
Concessions bathed in blinding dream soaked lights.

Plastic smiled dream vendors sold us a lie and robbed us of our legacy, while we were looking down in silent LOL. They stole it armed only with our egos reflection and we were too enamored to fight back. Dorian Grey put down it all upon the sight of himself and walked away from the good fight.
The vendor told us you could have it your way and we took it as a mission statement. He said the customer is always right and we saw it as a modus of life operation. The snake charmers massaged their prepackaged, sugar free lies into the loins of our lion-like pride and we loved them for it
because it was on sale.

A concern for consumption that curtails creation, we keep calm and purchase on. We are a generation of can do who choose not to. We were just too busy and our $5 lattes told you so. Toned and tanned, we primped to look like those who did, all the while super sizing our lack of achievement. A high fashion magazine of low fat pictures with no hard to spell words, perfectly fanned on a stack of never read books. 
We are a choir of soloists who can't hear ourselves over the screams of our accolades. An audience of auto tuned, off key rockstars, who stormed the stage leaving no one to enjoy the show. A pre tense of pretend, the meaning has been washed away in a sea of the insatiable need for more. The superfluous swell to quell the feared pangs of boredom. We kill time playing games while time kills us in the only game that matters.
 So we like each other in a fake world instead of loving each other in the real world. We photoshop our personas with perfect pictures and hang hashtags to hide the chasms of our characters. We heart focus filters on our phone framed memories that beautifully blur our lack of depth. How convenient. 
Style squealed YOLO while stepping over substance. 
How fabulous. 

7 billion unique snowflakes in a suffocating styrofoam snow storm of individualism. We are living in humanity's runoff and downward dog is supposed to make it all ok. We've achieved too little trying to look like too much. Yay us. We've searched for wifi instead of wonder and it's no wonder we tried to buy back our youth and instead were sold a cell phone charger that no longer fits. 
Posed and primed with painted Insta-faded duck faces, we stand social media tall at imaginary podiums as we chant our wants. Wearing hashtags earrings, pre-worn jeans and busking for likes we're all rolled up in ourselves in a spliff-like yoga mat. Chanting...Follow me. 
Just don't ask where I'm going. 

We are together in solitude, tanning in the glow of our screens in an online circle jerk, praising each others rented accomplishments. A drumming circle in CAPS LOCK, going to the beat of our egos as we pump each others tired twitter tires. Good job on no job well done. A panoramic of selfies, we have coddled ourselves for looking beautiful while not breaking a sweat doing nothing.

A 3D world lived in 2D fashion 1 instantaneous gram at a time. We took what they sold, expected a full refund and all we got was store credit. We had it all and were disappointed when it wasn't more. 

The world was at our fingertips and we typed BRB.



So maybe go fuck your selfie.

If I ruled the world.

I don't know about you but when I look at the world, I don't exactly see a well oiled machine. I see an old system based on old ideas that don't work for the world we live in. Im sure we have all had that moment where we've thought "has anyone else noticed this shit is really fucked up?" but we inevitably get overwhelmed by the sheer scope of just how messed up it really is, how powerless we feel to change it and revert back to making our lives seem better than they really are on Facebook.






But that doesn't stop me from thinking......
What if I ruled world? What would I do? How would I make things better according to me? Now I say "ruled" because in reality that is what is needed to get anything done. Democracy sounds great in theory, but it tends to just lead to people arguing about what they shouldn't do instead of just committing to make a change. Sometimes you just need someone to say "shut up already and lets just fix it so we can move on with our lives''. 
Clearly this is oversimplified and Im sure that we could all sit here and discuss the in's and out's of dictatorships and how absolute power corrupts absolutely AND how one person at the top doesn't have the right to make choices for all of us AND how instead we could all just sit down around a fire and sing kumbaya and talk it out.....
but instead, I'm going to tell you what I would do:


If I rule the world:

• Foods will be graded on how healthy they are for us. The worse the grade, the more they will get taxed. Ever watched a dog eat garbage? Don't judge because chances are you do to.

• Cigarettes are now be illegal. How anyone can argue that a product that is highly addictive and causes cancer should be legal is insanity. People who argue that it is their right should also remember that it's also their right to drink gasoline.

• No more pop up ads. If your company/product is found to be in a pop up ad you will be fined $2000 every time its reported to annoy someone.

• If you buy something using debit or credit card, a prompt would come up on the machine asking if you want a receipt. No more printing a receipt for every purchase. How many people actually want the receipt for $1.50 pack of gum?

• No more Flyers. If you want a flyer you have to sign up for it online.

• Commercials will be quieter than the show you are watching.

• Businesses will be responsible for any litter in a 500 sq ft area that comes from their store. 

• No longer will one door out of two be locked. If your building has two doors, they have to both open. What the hell is the point of having a door if it doesnt open. That means that 50% of people entering an establishment are already frustrated. Also, all doors are now push AND pull. We have the technology.

• All elevators will play elevator music. Whats the point of having an entire genre of music called "elevator music" if they don't play it in elevators. Its a nice little treat and besides, what am I supposed to do? Talk to the person next to me? Maybe I should just listen to the guy who's mouth breathing into the back of my neck? 
  And while we are at it why can't we come up with an elevator that works in a fire?! What better time to get out of a building quickly?! "Hey the building is on fire! Let's take the stairs."

• If you are on an elevator and somebody hits the wrong button, all you have to do is re-hit the button and it will turn off and you won't have to stop at that floor. How this hasn't been invented yet is beyond me.

• If you stink, you will be sent home. Deodorant is cheap for a reason. This is not up for debate.

• Cellphones will handle like computers where you can log in as different users. All you need is your phone number and password to take over anyone's phone. Once logged in the phone accesses all of your personal information including emails, contacts and pictures of an online profile. This way you will never lose your info and you always have access to it at any time.  

• All phones and cameras will now come with the same charger. No more owning 19 different cell phone chargers for devices I no longer have.

• Voicemail will simply say the persons name. That's it. If you need instructions on how to leave a message, that person probably doesn't want to talk to you anyways. 

• Effective immediately all bluetooth earpieces now come attached to a big blue dunce cap. That way you know if someone is a crazy person talking to an imaginary friend or just being a productive asshole.

• No more TMZ, paparazzi or trash magazines. There will be a law put in place that prevents photographers and journalists from harassing actors and printing lies about them. 

• It would be mandatory to have to serve tables at one time in your life if ever you want to step foot in a restaurant. Too many people have absolutely no clue how to handle dining out.

• When you donate to World Vision they automatically turn off the horrible commercials from ever showing on your television again.

• No more washroom attendants. Who the hell thought that putting a random dude in the washroom to "help you out" would be a good idea. Who asked for this? All it does is make me not want to wash my hands. Your life smells like pee and it depresses me.

To be continued....