Made in China

"Hey can you take a picture of me taking this picture?"

So just over a month ago I flew back to Thailand after spending 4 months living in Shanghai and it's taken me about that long to decompress and relearn the social norms I forgot while experiencing the Chinese Dragon.

This is my over dramatized story.

 While living in Shanghai, I (like most expats), found endless things that confused the hell out of me. Things I really wanted to pen you but I couldn't.......because the China firewall totally cock-blocked me bro!
Turns out you aren't allowed to use a blog. Or Facebook. Or YouTube. Or Twitter. Or for anyone born after 1990, all the ways in which you express yourself.  Funny enough, instagram is all good. 

Apparently not even the Chinese internet police can resist taking a good picture.

So for those of you that were wondering if I had choked on my chopsticks; I was merely bound by the great Chinese "no-fun" firewall. At first I had a cyber panic at the thought of 4 months without being able to level up my potato patch on FarmVille. But much like those adorable little Amish, you get used to archaeic ideas like reading words on paper.
Or better yet: ACTUALLY leaving the house to talk with your friends (instead of doing it from your laptop-lit living room while sitting in those underwear that you know it's high time you threw out already). 

Yes it may seem hard to believe but before you know it, 
the Internet becomes "just somebody that you used to know". 

Will you still leave if I paint my face?

So with that, out into Shanghai I went! To explore! To see the sights! To seize the world by the short and curlies!

To sit in traffic....

There is too much wrong with this to start.

Oh...right. The whole too many people thing. 

Waaay better than the mash potato juice

Well no problem, I can just use the time to read right? Or how about listening to some nice relaxing music and who knows; maybe even treat myself to a refreshing corn juice! Delish....


 But oh no bad news! You just spilled that tasty corn juice all over your crotch because your taxi driver is trying to play Whack A Mole with the pedals. 
Yes, the first thing I learned about China is that getting around by car is a see-saw game of sheer terror and boiling frustration. And why is that you ask? Well, maybe you've never heard of this and it might come as a complete shock but it turns out that........

*warning: you are about to experience racism*

                     PEOPLE IN CHINA ARE HORRIFIC DRIVERS!!!

My first chinese car accident

Man...that felt good. That felt so good that I feel like I need to light a cigarette and ask you to leave now. I guess it's just been a while..... I have been waiting 4 months to get that out and in that time, I've come to terms with how racist it is of me to say it. And Im ok with it. 
Because it's completely true. 
That statement (as "off-putting" as it is) is an accurate one and anybody from China will gladly tell you the same. More than 300 people die a day in car accidents in China. It's a national epidemic. Just ask this doctor dude. 

Its just one big clusterfuck of gasoline powered, Tourette's induced honking. Because that's what people do there. Instead of using their mirrors or turn signals, they just honk. Basically every maneuver requires you to honk which means that all you hear is people constantly honking. All day. All night. Everywhere. Forever. 

How to Chinese driving manual

Honking. 
It's a constant fuck you of the ears. Imagine listening to two fax machines having tantric sex. It's kinda like that but not just your normal 3 minute "was that good for you too?" sex but instead "I just drank away my feelings and this is never going to end" sex.
It's about that enjoyable...

Ok....stop thinking about sex and how I think 3 minutes is "normal".
We're talking about honking here. 

The good thing about the honking is that it's a swell well way to get someone's attention while they're on their phone. Because that's probably what they are doing. In China, If you're driving and you want to use your phone, no problem: just drive really slow in between lanes. That way, you have more room to drive badly. Makes sense right? The bonus is that when you're crossing the street as a pedestrian and someone runs you over (a very real possibility), they already have their phone out to call the ambulance. Or better yet; you can call this old guy who throws bricks at bad drivers to get your revenge.

But don't hold your collapsed lung just yet because guess what: your ambulance is stuck in traffic. This is because people don't move out of the way for ambulances. Or anybody for that matter. 

Maybe they should just try honking louder?

Whatever it is, the sirens just don't seem to cut it.... but that probably has something to do with the police who just leave their sirens on ALL OF THE TIME. Even if a police car is parked with no one in it. Those cherries are turning as if to say: "Hey look over here: LIGHTS!"

So that's pretty much how you get around in China, no seatbelt and no worries. I think the actual motto for Chinese driving should be "China: Hurry up and brake."

Myself, I think the whole traffic shit show comes from the Chinese mentality that if someone isn't you, then it doesn't really matter what happens to them. For example:

Holding the door is pointless if you have already walked through said door. You are no longer there so you don't need to hold it anymore right? Genius...

Or better yet: elevators.

In China, when the elevator door opens, instead of letting people get out first, everyone just rushes in, trapping the people trying to get out. Again; they're not you so.....

Maybe this is just what you do when there are too many people. You just say: "Fuck it. Im going already"and this is basically what happens. Everyone just says fuck it. There is no such thing as "waiting in line". Everyone just pushes each other. It's kind of like a mosh pit without the"nobody gets me" music and instead of anger-boner youths, it's old ladies carrying chicken parts.

Yes, getting around in China is a daily rape of your personal space but you just kind of get used to it and besides; it could be worse:

Google: dolphin rape.



Yup. That's a thing you know now and you can't unlearn it. My gift to you.

Good bye last remaining innocence.....

Ya.......Im thinking that maybe I should just go back to not having internet. Might be better for all of us.

On that note, Im going outside to pick up some more Placenta cream.
 Part 2 tomorrow.

Accidental chinese hipster

Question for you: 

Have you ever wondered what the love child of Harry Potter and Tintin would look like? 

Well if you think anything like the director of this commercial then I already know your answer.

Pretty sweet right?

Apparently Samsung is also going after Apple's key demographic:

Hipsters.

Well played.

Will you accept the charges?

You know when you've been meaning to call someone for a while but haven't gotten around to it and now you feel like you can't call anymore because you've waited too long? Ever done this? Well, I definitely have (ask pretty much anyone Im related to) and it reminds me of how I've been feeling towards this blog lately.
So...... this is me calling.
And I'm calling collect.

 It's been around 2 months since I last wrote and even though I have had lots to write about, I just couldn't seem to pen it out. Perhaps it's because the last 2 months have been a pretty weird limbo time in my life and I knew that it would be a bit of a downer post. Lately, things in my life have been more up and down then Christian Bale's weight.

In my last post I explained my decision to go back to Bangkok, where I had been working for around 5 months. When I came back to Van, I looked around and realized that not only had things changed here since I was gone, but things had also changed in me. I just wasn't ready to let go of the opportunity to live abroad. There are so many places in the world I want to see and learn about and realistically I won't always be able to do something like this so why not take advantage of it now right?

It's just the thought of leaving Vancouver is a pretty melancholy one as I worked really hard to get to a point where I can call this home. A place I feel like I understand and have a degree of success. Where the once immoveable ball is now rolling on its own. 

But I can't let the fear of loosing something hold me back from finding something new? Can I?

Just think: if David Caruso hadn't left NYPD Blue back in 94 we never would have had the dramatic powerhouse that is CSI Miami!?

Exactly, and after watching all 7 minutes of Horatio nail those sweet one liners I realize 2 things: 

1. I fucking hate that guy.

And

2. Maybe it's time for this challenge. Even if I have to let go of what I have worked hard to so build here.

With all things gained comes the loss of something else. 

Somebody wise told me that once. Or maybe it was a family circus comic.... not sure.

So just like Rose and Jack, I decided to let go of the banister and embrace the journey. I began selling all of my stuff to weirdos on craigslist (This btw is way harder than it seems.) It is a very odd feeling watching everything you own slowly walk out the door. My car, my guitars, even the couch I was sleeping on. It was really unnerving selling everything. Doing this made it real. You can't go back after that. You have committed.

And anyone who knows me knows how much I love committment.....

Yet, It was also really exciting and liberating getting rid of all my crap. I sold EVERYTHING! I must've made like, $150 easy!

Winning.

In all seriousness, It was really cool knowing that no matter what I got rid of, I didn't really matter. The thought that I could strip my whole life down to just me and my experiences was an empowering feeling. Knowing that I am not defined by the things I own but instead by the things I do.
I really believe that.

So I was pumped at the journey ahead but still, the last 2 months of limbo were hard. You would think that time off in a beautiful city like Vancouver would be great (and it definitely is), especially when you know that you have this awesome adventure waiting for you at then end of it. It has been great to be back here seeing old friends here in Van and I've managed to sneak in some great fun filled trips to Calgary and Edmonton and even Kelowna a couple times.

But it has been weird. Something has felt a little bit "off". Every conversation always seems to get to that awkward point of "when you leaving?" There was this quiet uncomfortable downer knowing that I am going away. You could actually see people pull away a little. 

Maybe I did too.

Then 2 days before I was scheduled to fly out, a bunch of good friends and I all went for supper and bevies. It was a really great night and at the end of it, one by one we all said our goodbyes. 

I left that night not expecting to see any of them for a long while.

Instead, I came home to an email from my agent telling me to postpone my flight due to "agency issues"

Excuse me?

The agency I worked with in BKK still owed me money for a commercial I did before I left. According to our contract, they had time to pay me and I could only assume they would pay me since they had paid me in the past and they had a good reputation. So I decided to go back and work with them. If it ain't broke don't fix it right? 

Well apparently not so much. They didn't pay on time..... and still haven't. I won't get into too many details but they still owe me a pretty good chunk of change and although they continue to say they will pay, past history makes me hesitant to believe anything from someone who owes you money.

So now Im stuck in a bad spot: I don't have the funds I planned on using to support myself (in a standard 3 month contract you don't get paid until the last day) and I don't want to work for an agency that isn't paying me. That leaves me with the option of finding a new agency or banking on the current one coming through with payment. Finding a new agency is a huge hassle because in my current contract they have a 1 year exclusivity clause over me and even though they are in breach of contract for not paying, it still makes it messy to get a new agency involved. This makes it hard to get signed somewhere else. 

As for staying with the current agency............do you like working for free?

Neither do I. 

So now I have no job to go back to. And no money to float me while I try to sort it out.

I had envisioned this going much more smoothly. Sometimes what seems like a great idea in your head, doesn't always work out that way in reality.

Then things got even more interesting. My friend who I was going to live with in Bangkok ended up getting kicked out of his place and had to find a new one but I couldn't commit to anything because I didn't know where I would end up due to these agency issues. This left us both fucked.

(Again: really sorrrrrry man)

Then of course; there's the girl.

Any good story is always wrapped around a girl and I would be lying if I said this one wasn't. 

There was a girl. A girl I was looking forward to going back and seeing. We had stayed in touch and knowing she would be there at the airport made the 23+ hour trip seem a bit more bearable. 

Then 10 days before Im supposed to be back, she casually tells me that she is back together with her ex. 

Good to know......

All dramatics aside what did I really expect? When you leave, things tend to fade. 

Im not looking for violins.

So ya. When I say I have been meaning to write but just haven't felt up to it; there's plenty of reasons why. At my lowest, I was sitting in my underwear on the floor (where my couch used to be before I sold it), eating the subway sub of the day (for like the 6th time that week). Sitting there in my old place that is no longer mine as I rented out to of my buddies (side note: how amazingly cool are they for letting my broke ass live in their living room for 2 months?!), with no job, no money, no car, no girl and no phone (someone spilled a Strongbow on it).

Oh ya; and to top it all off, I even chipped my tooth while putting my broken phone in my mouth to grab change for the bus. Perfect. 

Hey good looking

Now, any of these on their own; no big deal. All of them at the same time? 

Slight meltdown.

Serenity now

So there was a while there where I was not that pleasant to be around. 

But if my gypsy actor life has taught me anything, it's that there really is an ebb and flow to all of this. When we talk about doing life changing things we tend not to focus on what exactly it is that changes us. We tend to talk about the fun stuff mostly.... but it's the battles we go through on our way to where we are trying to go that really change us. That make us grow.

What doesn't kill you makes you more......challenged. Right?

Wait.....

Anyways, I try to think of it this way:

Next time my well laid plans fall apart like a paper mache rain coat, at least I will be able to look back on the time I tried to go to back to Bangkok. The time that everything got so messed up that I ended up in.......

Shanghai.

Yup. Turns out when my situation in Bangkok went Enron, my amazing agent went to work on making life better and next thing you know I have a contract with a much better agency waiting for me in Shanghai; one of the largest, most dynamic cities in the world.

So there you go. Just like that, things are looking up. No more limbo. In 4 days I'm off to Thailand for 2 weeks, and then I head off to China for a brand new adventure. From there? Who knows? But wherever it is, I'm sure it won't be without it's challenges.
So, like any predictable sitcom we grew up watching, I will end this weeks episode with a perfectly timed, 22 minute lesson:

Next time life calls you collect; make sure to accept the charges.

Ebb and flow indeed.

Hit the road jack

So you would think that after living in Thailand, travelling on the sketchiest of busses jammed packed full of sweaty people and all sorts of animals; that taking the Greyhound bus in Canada would be a luxury.

Well, you would be wrong.

Unfortunately I've come to this realization too late and now Im stuck breathing in recycled gym locker air while listening to the crazy guy in front of me have an argument with himself. Im not fully sure but I think he might be winning the argument by the sounds of it......

Leaving the rest of us clearly loosing.

Im an hour in and I have about 15 or so hours left before I reach my destination (Vancouver-Edmonton) and hopefully sometime during that my nose might forget that it's inhaling someone else's suck.
Deodorant is cheap for a reason people.

So in an attempt to distract myself, I going to try and pen out what's been going on with me in the last month and what my plans are. This might be a long one. Hopefully you ALSO have a spare 15 hours to kill....

Well, about 2 weeks ago I got back to Vancouver and let me tell you; after breathing in Bangkok for the last 5 months, nothing could ever smell better than west coast air. Seeing those beautiful mountains makes a guy realize just how lucky we are to be Canadian. As I look out the window of this waiting room on wheels, I watch the beautiful landscape roll by and it reminds me of the first time I drove this road. It's been 6 years now since I packed up everything I owned and drove west on this very road to Vancouver.

It's one of the best things I ever did.

I had been working as a restaurant manager in Edmonton and while through that job I met some amazing people and some of my closest friends; in the end I needed more. Secretly, I had always wanted to work in film. It just seemed so unattainable that I never actually considered it to be a real option.

Kyle's lava link profile

Well one visit out to see a good friend from college Kyle Hart was all it took to change my mind. He was working as a writer and a Directors assistant and was doing really well. If he could do it then why couldn't I? So I quit the restaurant, packed my bags and hit the road.

                                                                 A video I made about my move out west.

Unfortunately nothing is that simple. Once out here I quickly learned the truth about working in the film industry in Vancouver:

It's a war of attrition.

After about 6 months of trying, I finally got an entry level job (production assistant) on the set of a show called Smallville. I was elated. It was an entirely different (and pretty intimidating) world so I shut my mouth, did what I was told and learned as much as I could. As excited as I was, I quickly learned that this is not exactly a fun job. You get shit on by everyone. You work a minimum 15 hour day (often longer) and do it for weak pay. You spend hours by yourself standing in the rain freezing your ass off and you do it all so you can learn and work your way up. It's a gruelling way to get there but it's the same road that so many have take before me.

So I put my head down and worked at learning everything I could about the industry and how films are made. I also watched the actors work their craft and learned what to do and what not to do on set. It was an invaluable experience. I will never forget it.

The problem was that it wasn't enough (it never is) and I needed a new challenge so I started doing work as an extra (also known as a Background Performer). Still on set, still shit work but different responsibilities. This job is beyond hilarious and I could spend hours going on about just how ridiculous it is but I will save that for another time.

But again this was only part time work so I needed more. I ended up finding another weird job that fit perfectly with what I was doing. I got hired to act in training simulations for medical students. They would train me to play all types of different patients from guy with a ruptured spleen, to schizophrenia, to finding out I have cancer and Im going to die. I remember having to memorize all these different “characters” lives and lines and often would have 3 or 4 people in my head at the same time. The cases can get extremely detailed and I would be going nuts just trying to keep it all sorted. “Do I have errectile dysfunction today or suicidal tendencies? Maybe both? How's my stool looking? When's the last time I had sex? Am I allergic to penicillin?” (I would just like to apologize to all the roomates that got stuck playing what's wrong with me over the years. Your sacrifice was appreciated.)

Then the job accumulation just kinda snowballed. I started collecting jobs like it was a hobby. I got a job at a cool little jazz bar (Guilt and Co), I found another job working part time for a catering company and then another at a high end hotel.

Under table nap time?

Hardly noticeable wine stain.

I started working for a bunch of promotion companies and I started modelling for photography classes at 4 different schools. 

YOU'RE A MONKEY DERRICK!!!!

Before I knew it I had 12 part time jobs and was busier than KFC on welfare check day  just trying to keep it all sorted (I can say this because I actually worked there as a kid). All this while I was still auditioning and booking jobs as an actor. Often I would have to sneak out of a job I was working, go to an audition then sneak back in and hope no one noticed. This didn't always work out....

Ahhh memories.

It was enough to give a guy actual schizophrenia and Im still amazed I didn't have a mental breakdown.

So things where rolling. I was working tons, making lots of contacts and slowly but surely booking more and more acting work. 

And yet somehow I was broke.

Turns out Vancouver is ridiculously expensive and despite all my jobs I still wasn't getting ahead. So in order to save money I did what anyone would do:

I built a styrofoam fort in my living room to live in and turned my one bedroom into a two. I built a loft bed to increase space and partitioning walls to divide things up. Sounds kind of cool right? Well it kind of is... until you wanna have sex.

You try bringing a girl back to your bunk bed fort. “Hey are you scared of heights?”
Not exactly a win.

"But my pants are already off?!"

But it didn't matter. I was doing it. I was working as an actor and finally feeling like I was getting somewhere. Who cares if I was surviving off granola bars I stole from set. My agent (an amazing woman named Bridget) was getting me lots of auditions and I was actually booking a decent amount of them. Somehow during all this I booked a modelling contract in Asia (something I never imagined I would end up doing in a million years). So off I went and after 5 months in the land of the elephant I find myself back in Vancouver.

With no job and no place to live.

Fuck. I probably should've thought of that before I came home.

Ok now what?

Well, after giving it a neurotic amount of thought I can only see 3 viable options:

1. Getting things going in Van again.

2. Moving to Toronto.

3. Going back to Asia.

One look at my bunk bed fort was all it took for me to realize something I was too scared to admit before I left: Vancouver has just gotten too expensive and the film industry in Van isn't anything like what it used to be. I can't go back to my gypsy life of 12 part time jobs and 1 audition a week. Im 31 years old and maybe, just maybe, it's time to stop taking the term "living" room literally.

As sad as I am to admit it; I think it's time to leave Vancouver. 

                                                  I will miss you Vancouver. This lady however, not so much.

So that leaves TO as the best Canadian option and realistically that is where I should be if I want to be a working actor. The only problem is if I move there then it means I need to commit to being there for a good while to get things going. No more travelling..... which would be ok except for one thing:

How often does a person get the chance to travel the world AND make money?

Can I really walk away from that opportunity?

All of these things run through my head as I sit here watching the beautiful scenery of the mountains roll by. It takes me back to how uncertain my life was 6 years ago when I first did this trip out to Vancouver. How nervous I was to leave everything I knew behind, pack up my stuff and head into the unknown.

It's then that I realize something:

Not for one day have I ever regretted it. Sure I miss my friends and family in Edmonton immensely but taking that jump made me the person I am today. It forced me to grow and build myself into a person I never would have imagined myself as 6 years ago. 

Maybe it's time to do it again......

So there it is.

Im going back to Asia.

We need to talk

In my last post I briefly mentioned that I have stopped looking at porn and maybe I was being naive, but I didn't expect to get such a reaction from this "revelation". I guess by saying I have stopped looking at it, I am in effect admitting that I used to look at porn.......

Well before we go any further, if you are related to me or hold me in any form of high regard please discontinue reading this and go read an Archie or something.


 I hear that Veronica is a real beaut.



Ok, back to the ugly truth. Yes. I admit it. I have looked at pornography.
The horror....
But guess what? So has ever guy EVER (ok well, maybe not Ray Charles.....I wonder if they do porno in audio book?). In fact any guy who has the balls to tell you he hasn't played tickle me Elmo to a skin mag is just a flat out liar.

Originally it was going to be called Epilepsy Elmo
but Tickle me Elmo tested better
and it doesn't froth at the mouth.

Yet we all still maintain this facade. Why?


Oh right...because anything sex related is the devil.
Gotcha.
 It's dirty and wrong which is why we are scared to admit we would all rather be bumping it right now than reading this.





Why is that? Why can't we just talk about it.

When you actually stop and think about it, it's crazy that we aren't having sex like a bunch of maniacs all the time. We are all obviously obsessed with it so what's stopping us?
Aside from the fact that we over analyze everything about each other and ourselves to a degree of insanity and that we are becoming a disconnected society of people lit by the glow of laptop, I can see 3 cock-blocking reasons that our mini me's are collecting cob webs:
















1. Religion.
Might be time for some of you to break out those Archie comics again...

As usual, religion tells us that we are bad people. That we are sinners and that we will be lit on fire forever if we "indulge" in anything more than praying but Im willing to bet that I wasn't the only person hoping for something a little different when we got to the part about getting down on your knees.

I gotta stop eating mexican...

In North America, while many people have moved away from such archaic ideas, it's still a country based on Christian philosophies which is where this whole shame mentality comes from.
So many religions teach people from a young age to feel ashamed of their sexual desires and that sex is only for a married man and woman. Except that in REALITY, sometimes people don't want to get married because love isn't always forever and that's ok. Let's be honest:
Romeo and Juliet probably would've been divorced by now..










2. Pregnancy.

That whole thing.  Can't we just put something in the water to make us all sterile? Then when you wanna have a kid you just go to the pharmacy and get a free baby pill? Maybe there could be a questionnaire you have to fill out too before you get the pill to make sure you are smart enough to actually raise a kid. I could just see it now:
1. How do you dry your baby off?
A.) a towel or  B.) the microwave?

You get the idea...



As for having kids myself, ummm ya Im just gonna go ahead and skip this one. Yes I know its a huge part of being human and yes I will probably miss out on the true meaning of unconditional love but I think we already have enough humans on the planet. Im in no way against it as I think it can be a very brave thing to do. It's just not for me (personally, I think my gene pool could use a little more chlorine). But who knows, maybe one day I'll adopt. I could get used to that idea. I think I would get myself a nice little 17 1/2 year old. Keep him for 6 months and then reintroduce him to the wild. Its fun to try new things but I always seem to get bored around the 6 month mark.

In Canada we call them toques

3. STD's
Ok, back in the dark ages I understand this being something you just have to accept like scurvy or being patient for things but these days how the hell have we not already dealt with this!?! It's not like we aren't capable as a species? We've put people on the moon and invented phones that are more productive than anyone could ever be (side note: am I the only person who feels vastly unworthy of my phone? It has so much potential and yet I only ever seem to use it to instagram sunsets and check Facebook).
Yet despite all of our technological might, we still haven't figured out crotch rot (I believe it's medical term)?! Out of 7 billion minds on earth, the best thing we have come up with is a slim fit rubber boot on the end of my hockey cockey? Really? Weak effort Earth. Red rover red rover. I call something better over.
 Wearing a condom is kind of like wearing a tie: I feel uncomfortable in both but I wear one only because I will probably get in trouble if I don't and then will have to have "that talk".

The condom is the glass slipper of our generation.

And by the way, we came up with these glorified Hefty bags 400 fucking years ago!? Anybody who has ever used one of these knows that these professional boner killers take sucking to a new level. Im definitely not advocating not using one but anything, ANYTHING would be better. Maybe some sort of pill? Or how about a Teflon spray? Maybe little miniature cork? Oohhh here's a good one....... HOW ABOUT A FUCKING CURE?! Can't we just reassign all the scientists who are stuck on reinventing the razor to take a whack at this? I don't want to have to learn what comes after quattro...
Seriously! Even 50 cent took a stab at it!
So here's a product that is dying to be reinvented and what do they do?
They come up with the great idea of putting expiry dates on them.
Great.
As if there wasn't enough pressure before.....
There is nothing more depressing than realizing you are the proud owner of an expired condom.
Bastards.

Moving on.

When it comes to women, people love to look down on sexually open women calling them "sluts" as if a woman enjoying sex is a bad thing. Bull hickey I say! There is nothing wrong with liking sex. It's part of our biological make up and it's why we were born in the first place. It's in men AND women but as usual, societal norms are 40 years behind the general populace. Its ludacrious that men are "just being studs" when they have casual sex but when women do it they are viewed as dirty skanks. Really?! Is this how far we've come?
Can't we just be open to the idea that we BOTH like sex? It does take two after all (or at least it should).
Women don't need to be convinced that sex is a good idea and yet they have to pretend as if they hadn't even considered it before we came along.
Men like sex. Women like sex. Hey here's an idea:
Let's just do that. It's not as if there are aliens ruling our planet and they are stopping us from enjoying ourselves?! It's just us here and we get to do whatever, whenever we want. All we need to do is not die or kill anyone. That's basically it. Why the fuck aren't we just having an awesome time ALL THE TIME!?!!!?  "Hey what do you want to do tonight? Let's build forts and have grown up sleep overs"!
Sounds good to me.





It really doesn't have to be a big thing. Sex is what you make. If you want sex to be an emotionally charged event full of love and passion well then you can find that. You just have to be open about your expectations.

But if you want sex to just be a physical release you can find that too. There are many people out there that want just that. I know a lot of people who view sex much like a back rub and yet they have to go through this whole song and dance of dating, texting and inevitably lying to someone just to mash pissers (worst term ever). This is WHY people lie to each other about sex. We have unrealistic expectations about it. Two people deserve the right to go and have unemotional sex with each other if that is what they want and not feel guilty about it in the morning. It's not for everybody but it's a reality for many. Personally, I don't even agree that prostitution should be illegal. It's no one's business what someone chooses to do with their body. Let's legalize that shit and tax the fuck out of it.

As for myself, I would be lying if I said that sometimes I don't just want to have unattached physical sex. I am after all human. Sometimes I just need to lower the old PSI before I end up in the newspapers.
But to be honest; for me this usually isn't enough. As much as I would like for sex to just be easy, I have this damn thing in me where I usually associate it with feeling for someone. For me, sex is one of the rare personal moments we can have with one another. In good sex, you can't hide from each other. There's a degree of vulnerability. There's no shelter like there is in texting or Facebook or any of the safe, half committal activities we usually have with each other. In good sex, it's just two people right there in the moment enjoying each other's touch and company. For me, I find it's so much better when you actually know and genuinely like each other. Maybe this is why I waited way too long before giving away my "flower".

Wow..... I can't believe I just wrote that.


But its true. I used to believe in the idea that sex=love and seeing how I wasn't in love, t thought it to be noble for me to wait. I was like one of those endangered panda who can't seem to fuck to save it's species.


And then I grew up and realized that pie goes bad if you don't eat it.

No one's first time is going to be good let alone perfect and mine definitely fits into that category. There is simply no such thing as perfect. Was my wait worth it? Not at all but at the time I was young and my waiting was indicative of how I felt, which was pretty alone and isolated. I didn't understand the people around me (let alone myself) so I shut a lot of people out. Since then, I have grown a lot and while sometimes I still have my lone wolf days, I have come to understand that in the end all we really have in this life is each other. So we might as well enjoy each others company.

As for what you take out of the term enjoy? Well I guess that just comes down to a matter of perspective.

Best photo bomb ever.

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